i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
