last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
