I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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