I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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