Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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