So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
