Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
