Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
