in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
