Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
