The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
