Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
