In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Randomize
