god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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