i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
