FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
