I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
