I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
