Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
did i just pee glitter
Randomize
