Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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