Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
