Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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