this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
