I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
