I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
