It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
