Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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