Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
