Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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