My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
