Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
