I feel like I'm in dance class right now
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
