Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
