dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
