Well apparently he's into motor boating.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
