He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
