THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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