Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
