My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
