Well douche your snatch and let's go!
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
