i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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