No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
