five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Randomize
