I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
stop calling my apartment porn island.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
