where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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