He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
