Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
