He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
