i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
