You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
