How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
