someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
