We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I supernannyed him into submission
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
